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WE NEED SOME BASIC
INFORMATION FROM YOU IF YOU ARE REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT WANTING TO
JOIN THE TEAM <-
please click here
PROFESSOR TICKLE COMMENTS ... Excerpts from
genuine emails the team has received
Interviews for
team members were conducted in cities across the globe.
The photo is of
a throng of potential players lining-up for interviews. The response was so
overwhelming that someone was moved to comment:
"This is just
like the Mardi Gras"
Seriously, we are always on the lookout for fun
people and currently need female and male players for Thailand, Nepal and
Sri Lanka. You don't have to play all of them and you don't have to have had
any prior polo experience, but it would help if:
-
You will be passing through Singapore at some point
so that you can meet the captain and some of the other Singapore-based
expats who form the core of the team.
-
You have an easy going demeanor and are able to
introduce new drinking games to the team.
-
Your pork belly futures held by your private trust
in the Cayman Islands are 'in the money'. This is probably not the
cheapest sport you could think of. But then again a few of the rookies
thought that you had to own your own elephant to play (The tears streamed
down our faces for days !). From that perspective it may not be as
expensive as you think !
-
Your family name is 'Dolittle' and you really do
have a way with big animals.
If interested, please write to:
players@tickle-and-the-ivories.com
It would also help if you could
waffle on a bit about yourself. If you hold an MBA, as do some of the team,
you may not have as much common sense as you think and your attention to
detail is almost certainly deficient. So you may want to tackle the
following in a strict linear fashion:
age - Feel free to lie as long as that
lie has long-since been carried over into your photo identification.
sex - There was a time when a name would
reveal all, but in an age of cross-gender experimentation it wouldn't hurt
to clarify this. If you are unsure, we regret that we do not have the
resources to perform chromosomal analyses. So hold that blood sample.
health - A general description of your
health and level of physical fitness. Glasses and contacts are fine. A reply
along the lines of "Perfect health but allergic to elephants" is probably
not as funny as you might imagine. If you have peculiar dietary requirements
but are happy foraging in the jungle in the evenings to supplement your
vacuum-packed NASA rations, do let us know.
nationality - If your country/territory:
is in the process of being used as a football on the international field of
geo-political soccer (Gibraltar et al); was recently under UN supervision
(East Timor); is dysfunctional, failing, exploding, imploding, or generally
getting a right old spanking at the moment (where do we start ...), or is
simply a mean and wicked place and won't let you have a passport (North
Korea ... and the rest), then this will be a difficult area to tackle. If
however you're merely one of those annoying individuals who hold passports
from multiple countries (and buying them from island-nations of the South
Pacific is cheating), then count up the stamps in all your passports and let
us know which one has the most !
location - Where are you based ?
profession - "One-eared impressionist painter" ; "Founder and CEO of Kinko's
Kennels for Kats - Karing for Kats since late 2001". That kind of thing.
dates - Which tournament are you
interested in ? Dates are on the home page. Both is an option.
other - Hobbies (weird is good), social
activities in which you participate (or would but they never invite you)
etc. Actually to be honest this has very little to do with the entry
requirements. We're just curious !
feedback - where did you hear about us ?
If all this was too hard, why don't you just use "well-rounded",
"gregarious", "competitive",
"I am" and "great
fun, particularly after a few tequila slammers" in a sentence and
you're probably in with a fighting chance !
PROFESSOR TICKLE COMMENTS ...
The team receives enquiries and applications from all over the world. These
are genuine excerpts from some of the emails with comments by Professor
Tickle ...
TG, New York, USA: i am an american female and i am in good health,
although i am allergic to nuts and pussy(cats) [sic].
i live on long island NY
Professor Tickle: Hmmm.
On my last visit to Manhattan I came across large numbers of complete nuts,
beer nuts and pussy (cats) in many locations, particularly single's bars.
You forgot to mention that you're also allergic to CaPiTaLiZaTiOn. Good luck
with that !
MV, Jakarta, INDONESIA: The tenant in my house in
[the] US is moving in August. This means I have
to pay to paint, replace [the] heat pump and
[the] deck, and [the]
carpet, so that I can sell it. [...] However,
if [I] sell [the]
house, [I] will have more money for Sri Lanka,
which I still wish to join
Professor Tickle: Hmmm.
So your tenant trashed the place huh ? Could I suggest that the Clintons
might be looking for a reduced-rent pad. Those Whitewater legal bills are
still hurting. Besides which, Bill is supposed to be quite good with heat
pumps. You could get him to fix it. But if you really want to sell your
house so that you can join the team, then ... Good luck with that !
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