TEAM MEMBERS THAILAND 2006

See Trifecta's riveting profile at the bottom of this page ...

Tasty grew up participating in a variety of outdoor sports as she was born in the now-home state of the Terminator (Schwarzenegger's team application is being reviewed following steroid-abuse allegations).

After the challenges of skiing and windsurfing wore off, Tasty moved to Hong Kong to get a taste of more exotic forms of exercise, like dragon-boating and elephant polo. When she's not taking three-day weekends to gallivant around Southeast Asia, Tasty works as a management consultant in Hong Kong's financial services industry. Her fondness for elephants goes back to Disney and she still sleeps at night with a stuffed Dumbo Doll (made in China). Though this is her first time competing in the sport of elephant-polo, she's a natural when it comes to playing rough on the field. She also plays rough with investment bankers at work, in the sack, and without fail in the rough on golf courses.

Tit Bit's contribution to writing his profile was about as useful as ... well ... and we hate to slide into scatological similes ... Tits on a Bull ! In fact his only contribution was, upon being told his unusual team number, to note that
2 x 7 = 14 is the same as 2 x 007 = 14

Thor Axe is a Chiropractor by day. Thor Axe is a XXX XXXXXXX by night ... you fill in the blanks ...
As an Australian living in London for the last six years, he has tired of the classic sports of 'Pom Baiting' and 'accidentally' spilling red wine over minor royals at nondescript and oh so stifling functions daaahrling. Thor Axe was introduced to the team by his brother Tit Bit. Tit Bit was never introduced to the team and it is a mystery as to how he
became a member. Tit Bit suggested to Thor Axe that elephant polo would tickle all the boxes in his otherwise humdrum british sojourn offering speed, endurance, danger, dangerous babes, glamour, glamorous babes, teamwork, chukkas ( which conjured the inviting image of pain for rookie Thor Axe) and ... the promise of cold beers in hot places with fine friends.

His last adventure in a rural setting was a weekend at a Welsh dairy farm. Here the wonders of a new 'herring bone' milking configuration were totally lost on him as bucket-loads of supposedly nervous cow excrement tested his utterly pointless cloth overalls past their design limits.

He rounded off the end of his application to join the team with a well-intentioned but pretty lame "Chukka me in!!"

Anthony 'Trout' Fesche playing at Number 121.5

Trout is based in Hong Kong as a directional consultant with Cathay Pacific Airways. In his prior incarnations he flew commando helicopters for the UK’s Royal Navy and fighter jets for the New Zealand Air Force (until the Kiwi’s decided the money was better spent on pressing flowers & fluffy slippers). When he runs out of clean underwear he has also been know to 'go commando'. When he is not at the pointy end of a 747, Trout is most often found kitesurfing in Boracay. His other passions include paragliding & telemark skiing. He has a penchant for safari suits and is on a quest for the worlds best Mojitos!

TEAM MEMBERS THAILAND 2005

We are delighted to announce the team for the King's Cup Tournament, September 2005, in Hua Hin, Thailand. We are further enraptured that the beguiling, yet deeply symbolic numbers associated with each team member have been accepted by the Thai Elephant Polo Association.

Detractors have already disparaged the team's lucky numbers. "The silliest team numbers in the history of sport !" sniffed one, and "Must have been dreamed up by the IOC bureaucracy !" sneered another. Such hurtful comments have however merely caused team chins to be lifted higher with stoic resolve. Think Amish at a Monster Truck Demolition Derby.

Tim 'Tripwire'^* Deyzel (Captain) playing at Number 1.618

Tripwire will - yet again - be showing up to captain a team which has never won a tournament. In fact the team's best performance to date was in Sri Lanka 2004 where Tripwire (then know as Kelpie) failed to reach the playing field as many times as he failed to reach the bathroom during a week-long bout of food poisoning ... and the team went on to perform magnificently ... !

Like much of his captaincy, the 'Golden Ratio' 1.618 is irrational (ie it goes on a bit). It is a highly significant number and was known to the Ancient Greeks [and to Aging Geeks ! Ed]. The Parthenon for example has some of its dimensions in this ratio and those of you with too much time on your hands are directed to Wikipedia for more riveting information. The Golden Ratio is also the ideal ratio of women to men at a cocktail party. Like the placebo effect, science is still struggling to explain why this is so, although ask any of the patrons of The Shonky Shamrock on St Patrick's Day and the reason will be expounded.

^* All team nicknames have been changed to protect the guilty and confuse the search engines. Tripwire is the artist formerly know as Kelpie, T-Rex, T-Bone and so on ...

Jacqui 'Titillate' Gorski playing at Number 3.673

Upon recently being welcomed into the team which has had an orange logo, an orange-themed website and orange polo shirts since the beginning of Tickle Time, she was quoted on email as saying "Orange is not my colour."

She is English and used to read “Viz” (a comic) until her last copy was confiscated by the Dubai customs authority. She particularly likes one of the scenes where a character is taking the Michael out of red heads with “what’s all this rubbish about strawberry blonds – admit it you’re ginger”. She lives in Dubai and is a platinum blond.

When asked about her choice of number she said: "Well like Gordon Gecko I believe greed is good. I am also English and hence expected to be a little eccentric so therefore I chose a numismatic fraction as my number. You don't recognize it ? Silly billy ! It's the fixed exchange rate between the USD and the AED (The Dirham ... of Dubai ... and of the rest of the emirates). In her spare time she writes emails to strangers. When really bored she adopts different disguises and interviews with Emirates Airlines for positions as a Trolley Dolly. She has yet to be accepted but is getting closer by the month ...

Daniel 'Trapper' Ladd-Hudson playing at Number 8

Trapper was admitted to the team after his short but determined campaign of prostrating himself and sucking-up worked ... In his online application he said things like: "Have been a fan of elephants since my early years" and "There are two major events in Asia I have always wanted to do: The Hong Kong 7’s eastern stand ……and Elephant Polo" His self-deprecating humour is an asset and was realised early when he mentioned "hunting for lost golf balls" as a major hobby. He was asked to write a few words for this profile but instead wrote a short story. Random House and Simon & Schuster are believed to be fighting for the rights. Due only to limitations on the hosting server, it has been slightly edited but is presented below:

A short story of the Water Rat

While I am not a big fan of nicknames due to an Australian childhood of Chubby, Chunky and Fat Bastard I hope to think I have grown into all the aspects of my birth year – the Yang Water Rat. As we launch our crusade to win the tournament, destroy the ring, save the Jedi and basically have a great time in Thailand, I hope to bring to our team the aspects described by my enlightened and distinguished China Town physic:

"Daniel you demonstrate all the aspects of being hardworking, active, thrifty and easy to get along with. You possess significant intelligence and foresight to help cope with difficult situations." By this time I was pretty pleased and wanted to invite my wife, in-laws, close mates and all other significant others to hear this …. however as we have seen with the Skywalkers there is a dark side. It was probably because by this time my free-trial Amex card had bounced when processing his fee, however the gentleman, true to his word, finished his reading by saying: "You are an individual who is ambitious, loves a bargain and enjoys a gamble."

My story leading to Asia, involves a career as a headhunter, an education in Sydney with a short stint in North England, Hull (the brochure said it was Oxford) and a lot of beer and mates (hopefully some new ones on this tour). I am married to an interior designer, no rug rats and been living in Singapore for 3 years. Of my nine lives I can truthfully say I have used a number but life is about giving it a go. I want to give this Thai tour a good shake and see if we can kick some butt. [isn't this what every German on a sex tour to Thailand says ? Ed]

His delightful wife Angie is into dressage a crazy sport involving horses. She has only been referred to by Trapper above as the 'interior designer', a dangerous omission ?!? Trapper has spent much of his adult life as his wife's 'sTrapper', which we gather means mucking out the stables and general attempting to look useful supporting his wife and her nags. The team has been regaled with Trapper's 'sTrapper' stories including one involving driving the horse float from eastern Australia to Ayres Rock (Uluru) in the middle of Australia to look at horses misrepresented on the internet.

[And so ends the longest team profile ever ... Ed]

Steve 'Top Talon'^** Asher (Vice-Captain) playing at Number 13 3/4

Getting to play elephant polo on a world-class team like The Ticklers is hard for most. But in a perfect example of "It's not how good you are but who you know ... " we are pleased to announce that Top Talon went to school (high school that is) with his captain Tripwire. They used to be in the school swimming team together where Top Talon regularly swam slower than Tripwire, but sometimes faster than amoeba on Valium.

Top Talon is English. He has lived in Spain, Germany, Holland and France. He speaks Spanish, German, Dutch and Frog. By rights his team nickname should be "EuroTrash", but did we mention that he speaks one more, even more fluently than these ? Yes, that's right, Top Talon holds a PhD in Trash Talkin', a gangsta-rap dialect of ebonics. He has unilaterally formed a "Bars and Pubs of Hua Hin" Tickler Sub-Committee.

When asked why he chose 13 3/4 as his team number he mused: "Well it's funny you know. Now that I am almost exactly 3 times the age of Adrian Mole when he wrote his secret diary, I do strangely yearn for those days back at preparatory school where the bullies used to give me atomic wedgies behind the tuckshop."

^** All team nicknames have been changed to protect the guilty and confuse the search engines. Top Talon is the artist formerly know as Studley.

Lynn 'Tantalize' Roslan playing at Number 36B

Tantalize's profile was composed by her now ex-friend Paul 'Tease 'n Taunt' Robinson:

Tantalize is never one to shy from a challenge, (and the bigger the better as they say) nor one to take the back seat. She'll be there at the start line champing at the bit, probably kitted in the very best and latest outfit suited for the event. Oh she has it all, from Skis and the entire SAS dive apparel to her own Dragon Boat Paddle - she's quite the Action-Woman. Living life in the fast lane, she thinks nothing of jetting off to deepest Kenya for a Safari (again in the correct attire) or to celebrate NYE on the slopes of a Korean Ski Resort.

She has enough Air miles to charter her own private 747, and just make sure that the accommodation is of the highest regard, nothing below a Shang (Shangri-la) or Banyan and god forbid if it doesn't have a Spa! No our Lady is a Lady (Little Britain Character Voice Please) and she likes Ladies things: one must be rubbed, scrubbed, covered in expensive gunk, and left to harden then washed down with water jets that only use Evian, with a hint of Lavender. None of this bloody tap water for our Lady because she is a lady.

Now do watch out men or boys, and yes mid 20's to 30's is perfect when you put her in a bar, mix with drinks and a blast of music. Then she's off and there'll be no keeping up. She'll dance the night away, tease, chat and pick intellectual arguments, (Just remember to get her good ear !) all driven on tank fulls of Cloudy Bay Sauvignon Blanc and/or a damn good red wine ! But don't expect to find our Lady towards the end of the night as she will often head for the EXIT when it is supposed to be the TOILET. Later in the week you will hear the now so famous words, "oh well you know me, I had had enough so I left"

So in summary, you had better get ready for this energy busting bunny, clothed or unclothed (just ask for the stories) she can stand her ground with anyone. Now bring on those Elephants !

David 'Tiger' Kast playing at Number 42

Tiger was born in a small town in the U.S. where cow tipping was a much loved pastime and in his early 20's moved to the big city for a little more excitement - nicknamed DD (which at the Fire Island beach house stood for Daiquiri Dave - beach house bartender), later coined Dirty Dog by NYC socialite Robby K (the Real dirty dog of NYC) and then Dudley Doright the Compliance officer by his cousins in Munich and lastly 'Steve Martin' by Aussie party animal Lammo due to the grey streaks, clean cut image and American accent (no one believed Lammo but people stared all night long in St Kilda bars).

Drastically underrated (picked last in a Marines softball game in Warsaw after 4 Polish guys who didn't even know how to play), humourless when trying to be amusing and a pisser when serious (don't ask) and considered an enigma wrapped in a riddle surrounded by cheese - it is his quest for the sublime that keeps the dream alive - Tiger hopes to contribute in any possible way to the Tickles' efforts to challenge for the Cup. Hobbies: sport, travel and music - Trends: long on life, short on hubris - Taboos: tequila (>3 shots), Mantra: endeavour to be what you desire to appear .

There is a rumour that he wanted to start his own Elephant Polo team called Tickle and the Toe Rags, but decided to throw in his lot with the more established Toe Rags, Tickle and the Ivories ! And we're glad he did ...

Anita 'Tenga' Arnold walking around with a shirt with Number 99

Tenga (Agent spelled backwards) is a non-playing but vitally important member of the team. More will be revealed soon ...